Memo to the Man

Dear Albertsons

2009-02-10T10:43:00.000-08:00

I've been a loyal customer of yours since childhood. I now live in New Orleans, but I still lobby for my mom to shop at your stores, even though she says you guys have gotten too expensive. I remember how your bakery used to give out a cookie free to me and my brother every time we came in. That kind of gesture of goodwill to the kids of Acadiana, helping them ease the frustration of being dragged to the grocery store, well, that stuff sticks with you. So it was highly upsetting to me when I visited your store Christmas Eve afternoon to buy some milk. Granted, it was Christmas Eve - not the easiest day of the year for you guys, I'm sure. But a great injustice took place at the self-checkout lanes.

You have two lanes with two self-checkout kiosks each. I was queued behind one of the lanes. The customers in the other lane were also lined up starting at the same place as me, behind both kiosks, not behind each kiosk. The way it has always worked is, the queue feeds into both kiosks; people don't line up behind each one. However, a very impatient man cut in front of me and swooped to an available kiosk in my lane, before I had the chance to get there myself. I called him out and said the line started behind me. He simply ignored me, even though the other customers in line agreed with me. An Albertson's employee was overseeing all the self-checkout lanes, but did nothing to regulate this egregious breach of order. I let the issue drop, because, after all, it was Christmas Eve. But I'm writing to let you know that self-checkout lane etiquette must be inforced to keep customers happy. The rudeness of one selfish customer should not sour the impression customers have of your store.

Dear Veronica,

Thank you for contacting us regarding your experience at your local Albertsons store. We appreciate the opportunity to assist you.

We strive for continued customer satisfaction and sincerely apologize for the inconvenience that this may have caused you. We appreciate you taking the time to share your feedback with us. Your feedback has been sent to the Store Director.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to contact our customer service center at 1-877-932-7948.

Sincerely,

Lorraine
Albertsons customer care

Dear John Jameson and/or Son

2009-01-18T23:58:00.000-08:00

Sent: November 25th

I've been planing a dream vacation to Taiwan and Thailand to visit some friends, enjoy some sunshine and experience a different culture. I'm willing to deal with odd foods, a different language and new customs but I am unwilling to change my whiskey preference.

My friend Margo has been living in the metropolis of Taipei for several months now, she found an unfriendly bar that serves your brand but no liquor stores and the bar is unwilling to provide their source. I can only buy so much from Duty Free on my flight over, my layover is short I may not have any time, can you tell me where to buy a few bottles around the Shijr, Taipei County area?

its the one near the top

Sent: December 2nd
I noticed that you haven't responded to my first inquiry as to where to find Jameson in Taipei so I decided to spend a few moments trying to solve the problem without your help. My first step was your online store where I was surprised to find you don't ship to Taiwan! You ship to Iraq, Columbia, Sudan, nearly every war-torn country in the world but not the peaceful people of Taiwan?

What possible grievance could you have with Taiwan? They're like the Ireland of the far east, small island struggling for independence from a global empire (china). Sound familiar? It may be a world away but can it be any harder to find Tajikistan? No ones ever heard of that country, it probably doesn't exist.

this really proves nothing. Have you ever met anyone from Tajikistan? How about Idaho? it doesn't exist either.

All I'm saying is I love Jameson and would like to keep drinking it (responsibly, of course) for ever. Help a brother out.

Sent: December 17th

I've wrote two comments to you so far and no response. I'm beginning to think you don't like me because I'm black. My mother was beaten during the forced busing at South Boston High in '74 (ed. note: completely untrue, see my pic on left, and insensitive to anyone who was, sorry. Wanted to try the race card). I am aware of the problems the Irish and blacks have had but if I'm willing to move on, why can't you?

Sent: December 30th

So I've contacted y'all three times asking for information on where to buy Jameson in Taiwan. You never write back. I find this odd. Am I asking to much? Is the question to difficult to answer? I'm not trying to get John Jameson to pick me up from the airport or help me choose the right cell phone plan for my budget, all I want is JJ&S's help to keep buying Jameson. You keep ignoring me like this and I'll have no choice but to drink Crown Royal. I'm told is readily available across Asia and is quite light, with only a little sweetness quickly overcome by a zippy spiciness that holds on from the middle of the mouth on back.

Looks good...

Sent: January 14th
Its come to this, I'm flying out to Taiwan in 47 hours and no response to my four emails from from JJ&S. I've tried to switch brands, I can't. You got me. I suppose I'll just stock up at duty free. I just want to say before I leave that I still hate you for not responding, it sours my image of your entire organization. I thought you would care. You don't. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, I mean, what you sell is essentially poison, it kills your liver, hurts my productivity, leads me into violent arguments and causes to me to wake up with mysterious bruises on my body and outgoing calls on my cell phone. If you really cared about your customer you'd probably sell toilet paper or surf boards. Anyway, thanks for nothing assholes.

Sent: January 19th
I've arrived. I found Jameson at duty-free in LAX but it was 28$/fifth which is more expensive than duty-cost in New Orleans. I waited 'til my layover in Seoul, Korea and despite the variety of Scottish, Canadian and American whiskeys available they did not have any from Ireland. The salesman
was familiar with Ireland and Whiskey but did not know you could combine the two, add ice and punch your girlfriend in the eye until the neighbor calls the police. So I bought some tequila which I am enjoying now sans-ice and domestic battery charges. Just thought I keep you updated since you seem to give a fuck.

Received: January 20th

Dear Lewis,

Thank you for taking the time to visit us at our website and contact us about the availability of Jameson Irish Whiskey there in Taiwan. We do not have any retailer listings for the international market. We suggest contacting our Pernod Ricard Taiwan office. They should be able to assist you . Pernod Ricard would be the company that would be importing the Jameson product.

Pernod Ricard Taiwan Ltd
Suite B, 3rd Floor
No. 209, Civic Boulevard Section 3
Taipei 10492
TAIWAN
ROC

Tel : 00 886 2 87720272

Jameson is available in over 150 countries worldwide and should be stocked by any reputable retailer.

We wish you the best of luck with your search and hope that you enjoy Jameson, the world’s best-known Irish whiskey.

Thanks again for your interest.

Best Regards,
Earline
Jameson Consumer Relations

About Pernod Ricard USA
Pernod Ricard USA is a leading premium spirits and wine company and the largest subsidiary of Paris, France-based Pernod Ricard SA, the co-leader of the global spirits and wine industry. In July, 2008, Pernod Ricard completed the acquisition of V&S Vin & Sprit AB, the parent company of the New York-based Absolut Spirits Co., Inc. (ASCI).

Pernod Ricard USA is primarily focused on the high-margin segment of the industry and has a leading premium brand in virtually all key spirits and wine categories.

Our brands include – SPIRITS : ABSOLUT® VODKA, Beefeater® Gin, Chivas Regal® Scotch Whisky, Hiram Walker® Liqueurs, Jameson® Irish Whiskey, Kahlúa® Coffee Liqueur, Malibu® Caribbean Rum, Martell® Cognac, Seagram's® Gin, The Glenlivet® Single Malt Scotch Whisky and Wild Turkey® Bourbon; WINES: Jacob's Creek® from Australia, Brancott Estate® from New Zealand and Campo Viejo® from Spain; CHAMPAGNES and SPARKLING WINES: G.H. Mumm™ and Perrier Jouët® from France and Mumm Napa® from the United States.

The company is based in Purchase, New York, and has more than 900 employees across the country.

Pernod Ricard USA invites you to visit our website, www.pernod-ricard-usa.com and urges all adults to consume its products responsibly and has an active campaign to promote responsible drinking. For more information on this, please visit: www.acceptresponsibility.org.

Sent: January 21st

Earline,

I bought a bottle last night, it was $550NT (about $15US) It tasted about right, maybe a bit watered down... I'm skeptical, do you think its counterfeit? 'Cause later in the night I went to a bar downtown and despite having Jameson on the menu they haven't stocked a bottle in years. I asked why and they blamed it on a Hawaiian, I think, I mean- there's a language barrier but I'm pretty sure the bartender said some Hawaiian refused to ship Jameson to Taiwan. Weird huh? Any insight into this? How about counterfeit liquor, you see a lot of that?

Dear City of New Orleans - Attn: Photo Safety Program

2009-01-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

I have just received a “NOTICE OF VIOLATION” for “DISREGARD RED LIGHT” issued on September 16, 2008, for a “violation” on August 17, 2008. While it is my car in the pictures, I was making a right turn on red from St. Charles Ave. onto Louisiana Ave. at the moment in question.

A close inspection of the pictures on the notice reveals that the angle of my car changes as I make the right turn onto Louisiana Ave. While the first picture shows the hub of my left front tire,

Photo Number One, note the hub

the second shot shows only the tread of that tire, not the hub, indicating that I had turned the steering wheel to the right.

Photo two, note the tread

Also, I am making that right hand turn from the “Right Turn Only” lane, as that lane of St. Charles Ave. ends at Louisiana Ave., which you can also see in the picture (note the white lines marking the end of the right lane on St. Charles Ave.).

Another piece of evidence in the picture is the fact that my car is clearly all the way on the right side of the “Right Turn Only” lane. Because I was all the way to the right, I had to make a wide turn to make it around the curb, which may have tricked the camera into thinking that I was going straight through the light. If the camera had taken a third picture, it would show my car headed down Louisiana Ave., toward Freret St. No police officer would have given me a citation because a human would have watched the whole turn and not just two out-of-context snap-shots.

I am enclosing a color copy of the notice for your reference. Please take this evidence and my explanation into consideration.

Sincerely,
William
**********************
New Orleans, LA 70113

Response from City Hall
Photo Safety Program
Mail Hearing Room

Hearing Date: October 2, 2008
Name: William
Decision: RESPONSIBLE

Comments: Vehicle failed to stop prior to making a right turn on red. Even if it is the turning lane you must stop before making a right turn.

Payment Due: Nov. 1, 2008

William says: Lesson: If you need more time to pay one of these Big Brother tickets, just write a letter contesting the ticket, and you’ll at least get another month.

Dear Verizon Wireless

2009-01-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

Got a voicemail question for you.

I'm sure your familiar with the typical voicemail greeting: "Hello you've reached Lewis, I'm sorry I missed your call, please leave a message and I'll return your call." Then the phone beeps and you leave a message and maybe I call you back but I probably don't because it was noisy so I make a mental note to return the call when I have some free time but then got distracted because someone had a cat on leash and I forgot.

Except on my new verizon phone after the personal greeting there's a lady robot who says,

"At the tone please record your message, after you have finished recording hang up or press one for more options, to leave a call back number press five."

I think this part is unnecessary. I figure anyone capable of making a call is also capable of leaving a message, anyone who actually uses "more options" already knows how to access them and anyone who thinks you need to leave a call back number is an idiot. So how do i get rid of this annoyance? Sprint let me disable the lady robot and the voicemails continued unabated. I'd like to continue this good fortune with Verizon.

Dear Lewis,

Good afternoon and thank you for contacting Verizon Wireless through our website. We thank you for your patience while waiting for our response to your email. My name is Shekena and I am sorry to hear that you are not happy with the additional voice mail greeting that plays after your personal greeting. You are a valued customer and I will be happy to assist you.

I notice you recently activated service with us, and I am excited to welcome you to Verizon Wireless! I am confident you will come to love our great network coverage and excellent customer service.

I would like to thank you for allowing me the time to speak with you today regarding the additional voice mail greeting that plays after your personal greeting. As we discussed, (Mary called to say me no dice lewdog.) I have contacted our Technical Support team as well as completed steps with my voice mail options; regrettably, the additional greeting is not able to be removed. I apologize for any inconvenience this matter may have cause.

Should you have any additional question or concerns, please reply to this email. We appreciate your business. Please contact us at our website for any of your future needs. Again, thank you for using Verizon Wireless products and services.

Sincerely,
Mary
Verizon Wireless
Customer Service

So no resolution. But know that if you call me and hear "At the tone please record your message, after you have finished recording hang up or press one for more options, to leave a call back number press five." Please ignore it, I don't like it, you don't like it, lets pretend the whole thing never happened.

Dear Slab 1 and Wild Wayne (Q93)

2008-12-31T05:39:00.000-08:00

I'm writing to you because y'all are my favorite DJs on q93. I've noticed before some striking differences in Q93's programming versus Lafayette's hip-hop station, KRRQ 95.5. But after going home for Christmas this past week, I simply had to write a letter and tell you: 95.5 is putting shame in y'alls game. for real.

Why is it that 95.5 has all the hot local joints *months* before you do - and that's *if* y'all even play them? I remember two years ago, "Ratchet" was all over Acadiana like six months before you guys even started playing it. 95.5, by the way, still loves Boosie and plays his shit all the time, not just the Wipe Me Down remix. When I was driving across the Atchafalaya Basin bridge, going home for Christmas, what do I hear but Them GSpot Boys' "Stanky Leg"?

Imagine my embarrassment when I ask my Lafayette friends what that delightful song is and they're all like, "What, you don't know the stanky leg? That shit's been blowing up here for like two months." Other examples: "Ricky Bobby,"

"Wifey Type."

Why aren't y'all on that? Could it be that ClearChannel is a little stricter in terms of local music play than Citadel?

Well, I say fuck the man and play some more hot local joints -- during the day, not just late late Friday night. I know y'all are like required to play Beyonce six times an hour or something, but please, take one of the slots you give to her or Rihanna and play some homegrown music.

Your homegrown listener,
Veronica

From: Mitchell, Martin
Date: Dec 29, 2008 12:42 PM
Subject: RE: 95.5 krrq
To: Veronica

Hey momma u know how it iz big corporation big bizness etc. I try to slide a few things in but hey........ Now Dj Ro's mixes are usually up to par but yea I understand what u're saying. All I can say iz thanx for listening and being patient and We'll keep sliding shit in.... and Imma show my boss this email and give him hell!!!!

Thanx momma!

Dj SLAB1
M-F 7p-12mid Sat 2p-7p
Q93.com WQUE
Clear Channel Radio
New Orleans. La

From: Wayne, Wild
Date: Dec 29, 2008 7:02 PM
Subject: RE: 95.5 krrq
To: veronica

Well I appreciate your concern, but first off the ricky bobby, stanky leg and wifey type are NOT from Lafayette. Not even Louisiana (ed. Note: Oklahoma City, OK, Arlington, TX and Queens, NY respectively). We played wifey type starting in november and it received a lukewarm response from the public. The jury is still out on the other 2. I heard all of these songs months ago and stanky leg will most probably be getting airplay in the near future since its approaching the regional/national status. As for stanky leg being a "delightful" song, I'd have to believe you were their little sister or something. I know MANY artist in Lafayette and quite frankly I dont think they play ANY(or very few) "local" artists from Lafeyette, Breaux Bridge, etc. Lafayette urban stations didnt even break Cupid.

and now it's huge!

He had to get play from the CHR(white) station out there. He's been my boy for probably 10 years and I put him on shows in New Orleans way back then. What about Ms. Kim? She had to go to Baton Rouge to get a deal with Trill. And how bout Roi Anthony? He's quite possibly one of the brightest stars in R&B and cant get ONE spin from radio out there in Acadiana.

Roi getting love from 102.9

Furthermore I have a 2 hour show called 504 radio that plays nothing but "locals" from New Orleans, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Shreveport, etc. With all that being said, I'm not quite sure what you speak of.....

Veronica (aka Molly) writes: smack. down. wild wayne does not take criticism lightly. watch out.

Dear Delta Airlines

2008-12-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

I hope this correspondence finds you well.

I wish to convey my disappointment with Delta's international service from New York City (JFK) to Cape Town, South Africa.

A 22 hour flight

I departed New York on November 9, 2008 on Flight 128 and returned to New York on November 20, 2008 on Flight 129. I was extremely dissatisfied with the lack of service on board, both in terms of the overall service provided by flight attendants as well as the entertainment that was offered.

During my return trip, the flight attendants on both legs were ineffectual, impassive and rude. During the 20-hours I was on the plane, water was not offered once. It is my understanding that a water service should occur every so often; it did not. When I would ask for water, my request was treated as an unimaginable burden-sighs and eye-rolling were commonplace. As an additional note, water bottles were not permitted on the plane (including those purchased after security). I understand this is most likely TSA policy. However, this created an even greater need to have water distributed.

In regards to the entertainment option, I fully understand that it is unfeasible to offer personal entertainment sets on all flights, international or otherwise. However, I would argue that on a flight that in total exceeds 16 hours and often hovers around 20 hours-a flight that notably does not allow passengers to exit the plane during refueling in Dakar- a personal entertainment set is warranted. This appears to be industry standard: I have regularly flown with Continental, Virgin Atlantic and British Airways overseas and, over the past several years, personal entertainment sets have always been offered.

Thank you, kindly, for your time.

Yours Sincerely,
Natalie

Dear Natalie,

Thank you for your e-mail describing the problem you experienced.

The in-flight entertainment systems, power supply and dining can add to the overall travel experience and contribute to the enjoyment of a flight and we share your disappointment that there was a problem.

Although we cannot guarantee availability, our team makes all possible efforts to board essential supplies. Our goal is to establish a balance between operational performance and customer service, and we regret we didn't meet your expectations this time.

We are committed to providing pleasant, professional service. We always strive to treat our customers as very special guests on board our flights because we want you to feel good about Delta. The behavior you described will not be tolerated.

As a goodwill gesture, we have issued our $25.00 electronic Transportation Credit which may be used toward future Delta travel. E-TCVs are valid for one year from the date of issue. If redeemed at delta.com, they will not incur a transaction fee. Fees will apply if the voucher is redeemed through any other Delta location. You will be receiving a receipt for this e-credit along with the terms and conditions in a separate e-mail.

Again, thank you for writing. We appreciate your selection of Delta and will always welcome the opportunity to be of service.

Sincerely,
Victor
Manager
Customer Care

ed. note: Despite her thirst for personal entertainment options, Natalie would like people to know that she is not a spoiled brat. I know Natalie and I'm going to side with the person who sat on an airplane for the ridiculous sum of 22 hours.

Dear Memo to the Man

2008-12-25T20:53:00.001-08:00

I was referred to this blog about a week ago, and have been enjoying it mightily ever since. What a great idea! Complain to "The Man" and get back obsequeous, overly-sincere bland corporate responses. Brill!

However, "Memo to the Man," I believe you yourself may have more of The Man in the you than you'd like to admit. I submitted a heartfelt gripe approximately 4 days ago, and have yet to see it posted to the website. I put faith in the power of your online Everyman platform, yet my complaint is being rejected. By Everyman. And that reminds me of high school.

Well guess what, Man, I am Every Woman, just like Chaka Khan said, and then later Whitney Houston. Because my complaint has such timely resonance due to its yuletide nature, I would love to see it up on the world wide web before the holiday season is over. It would truly be a Christmas Wish Come True.

Sincerely,
Molly

Dear Molly,

Thank you for contacting Memo to the Man. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced when addressing our ymail account and appreciate having this opportunity to address your concerns. Your comments will be forwarded to our Quality Control Department for analysis.

We are currently experiencing high volume of family visits, road trips and dial-up internet and Memo the Man is making every effort to address the situation.

Once again, we do apologize for any inconvenience this caused you, and look forward to keeping you as a satisfied Memo to the Man reader.

Sincerely,
Lewis
Consumer Relations
Memo to the Man

Dear Memo to the Man,

I appreciate your response, and certainly do understand the high-stress environment that accompanies the holidays. I myself would love to chill out by listening to some Christmas music, but unfortunately, the crap they play on Magic 101.9 just makes me want to cut off Santa's ballsack. But don't worry, I won't. Anyway, thank you kindly. I look forward to reading future blog entries.

Sincerely,

Molly

Dear Molly,

Thank you for contacting Memo to the Man. We have reviewed your memo to Magic 101.9 and discovered that while it is a valid, well written concern it does not meet our criteria for a complete submission. At Memo to the Man we generally require that each complaint is submitted along with a response. Our records indicate that we are only in possession of the complaint.

We also recognize the value of our readers concerns and needs, and also where our services have fallen short of your expectations. To convey our apologies we have authorized our editorial department to publish your memo, complete with pictures, links and videos as a gesture of goodwill. We hope you will allow Memo to the Man another opportunity to regain your confidence.

Again, we truly apologize for this unfortunate experience. All of us at Memo to the Man would like the opportunity to provide you with pleasant distractions and swift justice in the future.

Sincerely,
Lewis
Quality Control
Memo to the Man

Dear Magic 101.9,

The Magic of Christmas sucks a big one this year.

I used to look forward to your sometimes-lame-but-often-pleasing mix of Christmas carols, pop Christmas songs and novelty holiday tunes. Instead, in cruising the station occasionally over the past 2 weeks, I have heard Michael Bolton's rendition of "O Holy Night" three times. Three times! That's got to be bad for the soul.

Not once have I heard Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmas Time." What, do you have something against one of the best Christmas songs ever? What about that great Tom Petty Christmas song or that really impossibly peppy 80s girl-group version of "Sleigh Ride?" You guys don't seem to understand the difference between good cheesy, overly-happy music, a la the Ray Conniff Singers or the Percy Faith Orchestra, and bland, depressing, easy listening crap. And how about some actual Christmas carols? Do people not like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir anymore? Nooooo, instead we get fucking Amy Grant.

Please, no more Michael Bolton or Wilson Phillips' shitty Christmas music. This morning, I heard a twofer of Luther Vandross Christmas songs. One is tolerable. Two is insulting. And please, please, please, for the love of the infant Christ himself, NO MORE CELINE DION SINGING 'FELIZ NAVIDAD.' I'm serious.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Molly

ed. note: my fav

Dear Keplers

2008-12-23T08:00:00.000-08:00

I recently had a poor experience with your online book ordering service. I grew up in Menlo Park and since relocating have remained a fervent supported of Keplers - in fact, when there was mention of Keplers on a recent feature about independent bookstores on the Kojo Namdi Show (WAMU), I was moved to write to the producers in praise of Keplers as an invaluable asset to a small city like Menlo Park! And so, when doing my Christmas shopping, I decided to disregard the lower prices found on amazon.com so that I could support my local, independent bookstore.

I requested that 4 items be shipped to my address in Washington, DC. One of the items was actually for a family member who lives in Menlo Park, and I would have prefered to pick this item up at the store while home for the holidays - however, I was unable to qualify for free shipping on my remaining 3 items, even though I had met the $50 requirement, because the books would have been dispersed to different locations (the remaining 3 were for my boyfriend, who lives in Washington, DC). No worries, though! I chose to have all the books shipped.

I placed this order on Dec. 5th, 2008. When it did not arrive by Sunday, Dec. 14th, I decided to contact you via email regarding the status of the books (I checked my online account and the status read "open" - I'm still not sure what this means). I still haven't received a response to this email. Finally, I called the store yesterday, Dec.16. A very helpful woman whose name I did not catch was able to locate my order - it was being held in the store for pick up. This was incorrect and most unfortunate as I needed the 3 books for my boyfriend by this Thursday, Dec. 18th. I asked that she cancel 3 of the items and keep one on hold for me at the store (What Happened to Anna K).

I hope that this request has been met. I was forced to order the other three items through Amazon with express shipping - at least the low cost balances out the high shipping charges, but I was still disappointed to give in to Amazon.

I'm very disappointed that this did not work out. I've commended Keplers on starting an online service - I feel that this is the direction in which independent book sellers need to move if they are to compete with Amazon. However, this was my first time using this service and I was let down. I'll still be a dedicated supported of the store when I'm in town, but in the future I will avoid ordering from you online.

Sincerely,
Chloe

Dear Chloe,

Arrgh! What a horrible experience we put you through! I am sorry for the "perfect storm" of errors with your order that required you to have to go elsewhere to get your books. To at least slightly make up for your hassle, we are holding What Happened to Anna K. for you at Will Call – now located at the center of the store at "Info 2" -- under your last name and ask that you accept it as our gift.

Thank you for your enthusiastic support of Kepler's, for making a concerted effort to support us, and for taking the time to tell us that we screwed up. Your feedback is precious information and very helpful.

Sincerely,

Clark Kepler

KEPLER'S BOOKS

Dear Clark Kepler,

Thank you for your thoughtful and prompt response! The items that I ordered from Amazon arrived today, so I am relieved (but still wish that they could have been from Keplers). I really appreciate your generosity. I will be coming by the store next week, and am looking forward to a visit to Keplers, as always.

Best wishes,

Chloe

Dear Sirius XM Satellite Radio

2008-12-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

Its hard for me to disagree with you because as I stare at the channel guide your probably staring at the channel ratings but I can tell you one thing. The new line up sucks.

You took away two of my six presets (Boombox and Backspin) and suggested I try Alt Nation and Hip Hop Nation. I don't want to be part of the nation, that's why I joined Sirius, I want to hear the music I cant get anywhere else like techno remixes of peter bjorn and john and classic 2pac tracks. Not the latest Foo Fighters or 50 Cent.

You have Elvis radio, Margaritaville, The Grateful Dead Channel , Led Zeppelin Radio, Sirus Sinatra, BB Kings Bluesville, E Street Radio. That's seven channels dedicated to playing the same artist nearly 24/7. You know what, that's great, but if someone is seriously into Sinatra I say let them listen to him CD, they're bound to have one. You listen to the radio for a variety of programming. You already have 50's pop, big band, Jam bands, 70's classic rock, 80's classic rock and blues. You are double dipping in these demographics while shorting the niche markets that 300 channels should provide for.

I have a year contract so I'll see that through but once its done, unless there are changes, so am I. Ever heard of Pandora? itunes? how about streaming Internet radio over you cell phone, its coming and I can't wait.

The merger should have brought more variety but all we got was less music and more Oprah. For shame Sirius, for shame.

Dear Lewis,

Thanks for the e-mail.

I appreciate hearing your thoughts on BOOMBOX. Like you, I was a fan of the channel. The challenge for us has always been that there is limited room on the network and we had to make some difficult decisions with the merging of the content from SIRIUS and XM. Please check out ALT NATION, which features a weekend electro-beats show that plays the kind of music you heard on BOOMBOX.

I appreciate hearing your thoughts on BACKSPIN. Like you, I was a fan of the channel. The challenge for us has always been that there is limited room on the network and we had to make some difficult decisions with the merging of the content from SIRIUS and XM. Please check out the daily old skool rap show we started on HIP HOP NATION, XM 67, featuring Grandmaster Flash and Monie Love. Shade 45 also plays a lot of old skool rap throughout the day. Plus, Subsoniq's old skool rap show can now be heard on HIP HOP NATION as well.

Merging the two sets of music channels was a very difficult task, since so many people were passionate about each service and what they have been listening to for years. We did our best, based on customer surveys from both companies, to keep the channels that reached the most listeners and performed the best in overall satisfaction. And, in some cases, we actually blended the two channels combining the best personalities from SIRIUS and XM to create a new combined channel.

Of course, we did have to say goodbye to a few formats to make room for new ones. The best way to see what your choices are now is to go to www.SIRIUS.com or www.xmradio.com and download the new channel line-up. There are many new choices that you now have access to for no additionalsubscription fees. Please take the time to scroll through the dial and see what's on. You find something you missed or something brand new that may become a favorite.

Thanks again for writing. I know change is tough and hopefully, you'll still see the value in our service to continue as a subscriber.

Best regards,

Jon
SVP Music Programming
Sirius XM Radio

Dear Jon,

Thank you for your email. I read it, in its entirety, absorbed its contents and now am constructing my response. I doubt you did the same.

Why am I so sure? The first two paragraphs have the same opening three sentences. The last three paragraphs read like a form letter with no regard for my earlier email. Now pardon my impassioned response but what you suggested coupled with the lack of notice or consultation before the merger has made me very unhappy with Sirius.

Jon, you suggested I check out the new line up and provided two links! Wow, thanks for the short cut Jon (here's one for you http://tinyurl.com/69tbs4). Guess what? I've checked out the channel guide and found that you broadcast crap! I mean, how much Led Zeppelin can someone possibly take? Sure when I was nine years old I thought Led Zeppelin IV was the greatest artistic achievement known to man. When I was five and driving through Memphis I was flabbergasted at how many hits Elvis had and during college I briefly entertained the idea that Grateful Dead was talented but since then I've grown up, passed through Memphis and quit smoking pot (everyday). I'd like to hear good, new music. Now.

Jon, you said I can find what I'm missing if I tune in to Alt Nation and Hip Hop Nation at specific times. I find this answer unsatisfactory. Why? Because I listen in the car, going to work, running errands, soliciting hookers, whatever, what I don't do is find out what time Grandmaster Flash is on rush to my car, crank up the engine and sit on the street so I can hear Biz Markie and KRS-One.

This sucks. I'd like to know that you actually read customer complaints. I'd like to hear that you are aware there is a problem. You probably think that the satisfied customers are the quiet customers. Well, your stock is 15 cents a share:

Sirius Xm Radio Inc (NASDAQ GS:SIRI)

so theres something wrong. If your going to go bankrupt anyway, why not do it with your integrity intact? Play something different.

....and no response, perhaps I was too bitchy, its hard to find the balance. However I got half of what I wanted but I think i'm only one of many was dissapointed. Don't call it a comeback

http://investor.sirius.com/releasedetail.cfm?ReleaseID=354651

Dear Time Warner

2008-11-26T05:46:00.000-08:00

1. Apparently we have an appointment on Tuesday November 18th that needs to be changed as no one will be home that day.

2. I would call but it seems that there is no communication or accountability at your call centre, and the hold times are ridiculous.

3. We initially called and asked for triple play to be set up. Then I learned my roommate had gotten an earlier set up date with internet from RCN, so I called Time Warner and said we just wanted TV, not internet. The woman said okay, and changed my appointment. If you truly do record your calls for customer service quality, I'd suggest you listen to that one.

3. On November 5th, the service men arrived. They said in order to set up cable, they'd have to disconnect the RCN internet. We cannot go w/o internet 'cause we work from home, so therefore we determined we would have to get TW internet too. TIME WARNER DID NOT NOTIFY US ABOUT THIS WHEN WE CALLED TO CHANGE OUR APPOINTMENT TO JUST TV. That's a serious problem, we now will owe RCN a cancellation fee and we should've been informed of the wire-crossing issue from the start.

4. We re-scheduled and called TWICE to ensure that the service man coming on the 12th would bring a modem to set up the modem. twice.

5. The man shows up on the 12th without a modem and therefore we now have to reschedule again.

6. I am very upset by the quality of service. I know you have a monopoly on the industry and service quality probably isn't that important to you, but it really is a shame that this has been botched so many times through no fault of our own.

7. I received a phone call after the man left, which was a voice mail, a woman from time warner saying "if you're home, pick up" over and over. Obviously I do not have an answering machine, it's a cell phone, so I don't know what the point of that phone call was. She did not leave a callback number or even the reason for her call.

8. Hopefully email will yield better results than the phone service has been.

9., thank you

Dear Marie,

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience that you experienced when you called our Time Warner Cable Customer Service phone line.

We have recently experienced an unprecedented call volume and Time Warner Cable is making every effort to address the situation.

Time Warner Cable is committed to bringing you New York at its best, and we look forward to providing you with outstanding programming and service.

After checking our records, you are scheduled for a cable installation on November 21, 2008 between 10am and 2 pm.

We appreciate that you have taken the time to share your comments and we can assure you that they are not going unnoticed.

Once again, we do apologize for any inconvenience this caused you, and look forward to keeping you as a satisfied Time Warner Cable customer.

Sincerely,

Time Warner Cable
Customer Support

Dear Time Warner

The hold times aren't really the issue, the issues are the other things -- the quality of service received once I got to talk to somebody, and the failures to do what we wanted which have cost us a great deal of money and time. I don't know if you read past the first paragraph, but please do. I did eventually reach someone. I told him about what had happened before, and he rescheduled the appointment but wouldn't address

or even apologize for any of the issues we'd had. When I asked "Are you okay with this, then? That you've messed up royally three times" his answer was: "Yes ma'am, that is correct."

Just sayin'.

Dear Marie,

Thank you for your message to Time Warner Cable.

We do sincerely apologize for the problems you recounted. When you call our Customer Support staff with a question or concern, we are prepared to do our best to help you.

For any inconvenience you may have experienced, we would like to offer you a free month of one of our Premium Channels after your installation, that you currently do not have. Cinemax, Encore, HBO, Starz or The Movie Channel can be activated as soon as you advise us of your choice. Please let us know of your choice and we will be happy to add this new service.

Once again, we do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you, and look forward to keeping you as a satisfied Time Warner Cable customer.

Sincerely,

Time Warner Cable
Customer Support

Dear Time Warner,

Thank you for this offer, it is very kind and I appreciate it --

However -- Time Warner came today at around 11 am. Again, he did not have a modem and his work order did not ask for a modem.

I don't really know what else to do at this point, this is the third time someone has come out and we have stayed at home to wait for you guys. It's kind of getting out of control ... you know? I would call Time Warner again and ask them again to be absolutely positive that the service man brings a modem this time, but apparently that just doesn't work, we've done it twice already to no avail.

Do you have any advice? Any higher-ups who could actually make this happen? This is the worst service I've experienced from any kind of service provider in this city.

All the technicians have been very kind and understanding, however. The one we just had said he would send someone with a modem within the next two hours. That was over two hours ago, and we really need to go at 2, the time that our service was scheduled for. I feel like you guys are like a bad boyfriend who makes us wait by the phone all day and arrange our lives around something that never happens.

Please fix this, at this point I don't know what else to do. It's been a lot of trouble, it would be nice if we could get something for free that we actually had already ordered. Even if you just found a way to recompensate us for the fees we're going to have to pay RCN to cancel our internet (perhaps through some free cable for a few months or something) because your customer service people didn't tell us we
couldn't use them and TIme warner for TV.

Or if you could let us know who else we could use for our services, like
Verizon or something, if you know anything about that.

Thanks.

Dear Marie

Thank you, for your recent correspondence to Time Warner Cable.

In reference to your inquiry, our records show you have a modem and internet service. We hope your inquiry was addressed in your subsequent conversation with one of our supervisors.

If you have any additional questions or need future assistance, please contact us at support_nyc@twcable.com or call our 24 hour Customer Support Line at 212 or 718-358-0900.

Sincerely,

Time Warner Cable
Customer Support

Marie wrote me a little update:

Someone did come and install everything around about 5pm. This guy came and the people on the phone told him that he should reschedule with us, but we told him our story and he was like "that's bogus, I'm doing it today, it's ridiculous." And so he did it, installed everything and was really nice.

Howevs, now the internet is actually slower than it was before! Really the main thing we lost here is that RCN was accidentally giving us free cable, and now we're paying for cable.

We basically spent the whole day on the phone with Time Warner and I think the deal we eventually reached was something like $75 off our first bill, which is nice. Also roughly equal to the money we lost in hours we could have been working, since Natalie and I both work from home so we don't get paid unless we're actually working at that moment, and one cannot work and fight with Time Warner at the same time.

Dear Pilot Pens

2008-11-21T15:36:00.000-08:00

I have been a fan of your pens since I first started working in law firms in 7th grade. Through the years, they made their way into purse and I would use no other pen whilst dealing with my personal affairs. Now that I am in my first year of law school (read: writing and taking notes A LOT) I was so pleased to see your pens in the law school bookstore so I snatched up about 10 of them. I've put them to good use this semester, and now that we're approaching finals, I'm going to have to buy more because I'm pretty much out!

However, last weekend I was on a short flight to my hometown and I needed to do some reading and take some notes on the plane. Much to my utter confusion and dismay, upon opening the cap of a black Pilot Precise Point Pen, the ink exploded on my hand and splattered on my jeans. In addition to looking totally unprofessional with ink all over my hands, the pen stained my expensive textbook terribly. But, things happen. I was mad but not too mad. Until my class on Monday. When the exact same thing happened to another of the same pens. During my class. I felt humiliated and ashamed because I had ink all over myself.

I would love to keep using your pens, but I'm afraid I can't commit to using them in a professional setting if incidents like this continue to happen. Though I am sure it was onset by the pressurizing of the plane, I found it very discouraging and assure you that this has never happened with any other pen I've used while on a plane or shortly thereafter.

I just thought you should know.

Best,

Amy

Dear Amy,

Thank you for your recent E-mail message. We are sorry for the inconvenience you experienced and appreciate having this opportunity to address your concerns. Your comments will be forwarded to our Quality Control Department for analysis. In the interim, replacements will be
sent to you. We will also include samples of our V-Ball RT Rolling Ball pen and the Precise Retractable pen. They have been designed to be safe for airplane use.

We make the following recommendation when using any brand of liquid ink pen on an airliner. Be sure to open the pen in an upward position to avoid problems that could occur due to cabin pressure. Also, you should never use a rolling ball pen in a writing position other than "point
down." Never use one when writing on something hanging on a wall, such as a calendar. Always remember to recap your pen for storage.

Regarding the problem of ink stains, the following stain removers have proven effective in many instances and are available at local supermarkets, hardware stores, and discount stores. Please contact these manufacturers directly for information on their products and where
they might be available in your area.

Amodex (1-203/335-1255)
DidiSeven (1-888/819-3005) Toll Free
Lifter 1 Products (1-800/543-8371) Toll Free
Motsenbockers Lift Off (1-800-346-1633)

We hope this information has been helpful to you.

Once again, thank you for contacting us. We value your investment and continued loyalty in our products.

Sincerely,

Monica
Consumer Advisor
Pilot Corp. of America

Dear Internet Jukebox,

2008-10-15T07:51:00.000-07:00

Whack.

Your machines are mood killers. Atmosphere busters.

There is this bar in my neighborhood, sort of a dive but a few pool tables, cheap drinks and an interesting mix of people and that's the way it was for over 20 years.

That is until they removed the aging CD jukebox filled with classic tracks from James Brown, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and David Bowie and replaced it with your Internet jukebox and its 10,000+ songs.

Now when ever I go to the bar some asshole is playing death metal.

And you know what? Thats fine, if you like death metal, great. Its nice to like things but go to a biker bar, some place with ripped leather seats and broken pool cues.

See by supplying people with 10,000+ songs you've taken the control over atmosphere away from the bar owner and placed in the hands of the bar patron. My favorite bars in New Orleans have great juke boxes that help explain what the bar is all about. Brothers 3 has country western, The Saint has heavy metal, Parasols showcases a mix of classic rock and funk. These bars wield the jukebox to tell the story of the bar, are we a place for cowboys, scenesters or a good time neighborhood joint?

Turning back the tide of the internet jukebox revolution appears impossible so I would like to suggest an improvement before its to late: Instead of offering 200,000+ songs of every genre why dont you offer a dense catalog of specif genres. Allow the bar to pick out the types of music they'd like to hear in their bar a la carte and use your impressive resources to provide the sort of depth in those genres and record store geek would envy.

Lewis,

Thank you for your insight. It's always great to hear from patrons who actually play the jukebox. Your comments are not taken lightly and we have not ignored this aspect of the business. Our digital jukeboxes are programmable and any genre or song can be blocked from playing by the owners of the jukebox. The jukebox owners are typically equipment operators that service all of the bar's amusement equipment (ie..pool tables, countertop games, jukebox, etc...). You may want to mention your suggestion to the bar owner(s). They can make the appropriate request to the jukebox owners and you may get your wish to block certain genres. Between blocking what you don't want, and offering more "off the beaten path" music in the genre you like, hopefully we can achieve the type of atmosphere you are looking for.

Have a great weekend!!

Matt
Inside Sales Representative
Rowe International/AMI Entertainment

Hey Lewis,

Thanks for writing.

Talk to your bar manager. The types of music available by download can be specified to stay within a specific criteria range... so, if the bar manager wants to set a mood, s/he can simply block death metal and other anxiety-inducing music by resetting preferences for that jukebox at that location.

Hope this helps and I hope you and I both have a death-metal-free weekend!

Best to you,

Andrea
Sales Coordinator
Rock-Ola Mfg. Co.

So I guess I'm the asshole. What an unnecessary complaint.

Dear Spirit Airlines

2008-10-10T07:27:00.000-07:00

Subject: i lost a lot of money and smelled vomit for several hours

Recently, my friend and I decided to embark on a long Labor Day weekend jaunt to Puerto Rico all the way from the fair (yet fragile) city of New Orleans. After flying Southwest Airlines from New Orleans to Fort Lauderdale on Wednesday, August 27, we took off to "The Island of Enchantment" at around 11:30 pm later that day. Our flight from Ft. Lauderdale to Aguadilla, PR went smoothly and without incident.

Unfortunately, terror loomed in the Gulf in the form of what our mayor called "the mother of all storms" - Hurricane Gustav. All week, as we diligently kept an eye on the storm, we were also aware that our travel plans might soon be disrupted by Mother Nature. On Saturday, August 30, we learned that the New Orleans airport would be closed on the day of our expected return, Monday, Sept. 1. We had no choice but to change our flights, which was somewhat difficult because we were dealing with two separate airlines.

I logged on to Spirit Airlines' Web site on Saturday. I read a press release posted to the site that said flights could be changed, free of charge until Friday. Unfortunately, Friday had already passed. Had I known on Friday the New Orleans airport would be closed, I would have changed my flight on Friday and thus reaped the benefit of this "sympathetic" offer. But New Orleans did not announce that the airport would be closed until after Spirit Airlines' offer expired. Tricky, tricky.

I called your airline and told the non-English speaking customer service representative that I was wondering if they could extend the offer. He told me yes. Then I called Southwest, and they also told me (in perfect English), it wouldn't be a problem. Then I called Spirit back again, I was put on hold for about 10 minutes by another non-English speaking representative, who then informed that it would cost $110. I was, as you can imagine, disappointed, and the language barrier made it extremely difficult to explain my situation. Plus I was annoyed that the person before had told me it was free. Was he lying? No, he probably just didn't even understand what I was saying. I was perceptive enough to know this new woman was just trying to do her job and that it wasn't her "fault" thatsomeone had made the executive decision to put a deadline on the offer. Just a few minutes later, my traveling companion, Elizabeth Hyde, changed her flight and the cost jumped up to $120.

We complied and paid the fee, but wondered why we should be punished for something completely out of our control.

Then another unfortunate incident occurred. We boarded the Spirit plane to head back to Fort Lauderdale and an overwhelming stench nearly knocked me over. Within a few moments, Ms. Hyde and I learned that someone had vomited, on a previous flight, in the seat directly across the aisle from us. The flight was packed full, so we couldn't move to another area of the plane. I know that airsickness is not to be taken lightly, and I am sorry that someone suffered, but the (somewhat rude) staff appeared to do very little to clean it up. There were a few napkins lying in the vicinity of the incident, maybe to sop up the leftover fluid, and an open bag of coffee beans had been placed in the seat pocket, perhaps because some brilliant crew member thought that the smell of coffee would overpowerthe smell of stomach acid and bile? Halfway through the flight, a flight attendent put a plastic bag over the fold-out table. I do not know why she did this. It did nothing to help the situation. We wondered to ourselves, "haven't they heard of Febreze?"

I am not normally a "complainer" but I feel as though someone should know that there were several mistakes made by your company. It seems like the company took advantage of our unfortunate hurricane situation and on top of that, the vomit incident was completely unacceptable. Additionally, it would be helpful if you could teach the people who answer the phones how to communicate properly. Because it is really frustrating when the person on the other end has no idea what you are saying.

-Sarah

Auto-Response

Thank you for your correspondence. Your email will be forwarded to the appropriate department and answered in the order it was received. You can find answers to the most frequently asked questions right here on our website. Please visit us on

http://www.spiritair.com/Welcome.aspx?pg=HelpRightNow

Sincerely,
Spirit Airlines
Corporate Customer Relations
09/15/2008 11:01 AM

Dear Spirit,

A couple weeks ago i emailed you expressing concern over a few incidents that occurred at the end of August and early September. I got an automatic response saying you would forward it to the appropriate department and I haven't heard from anyone. I felt as though my letter would have been helpful to your business and I was expecting to at least be acknowledged.
Why has my voice been ignored?

-Sarah

Thank you for taking the time to contact Spirit Airlines. Thesatisfaction of our customers is our top priority. This is a computergenerated response confirming your email correspondence with us. We will get back to you as soon as possible and appreciate your patience.

Sincerely,
Spirit Airlines
Corporate Customer Relations
10/03/2008 10:46 AM

Dear Sarah,

Thank you for contacting Spirit Airlines regarding your recent travel experience on Spirit Airlines. We appreciate your sharing your disappointment in the lack of professional treatment you received.

All of our aircraft receive a thorough cleaning after the last flight of the day, and a quick turn-around clean in between flights. I am truly sorry that the cleaners were not as diligent as they should have been. I have forwarded a copy of your letter to the Director of On-Board Product Management who will address this situation with the person(s) responsible for cleaning and catering our aircraft. We realize the importance in preventing similar occurrences in the future, and your input will allow us to focus on the necessary areas where we can improve.

We also recognize the value of our customers concerns and needs, and also where our services have fallen short of your expectations. We can assure you that guided by the feedback received from our valued customers, we are taking the steps necessary to continually improve our operation. We want your flying experience to be convenient, comfortable, and enjoyable and apologize if your experience did not meet these standards.

Again, we truly apologize for this unfortunate experience. All of us at Spirit Airlines would like the opportunity to provide you with quality service and affordable airfares in the future.

Sincerely,
Tabitha
Corporate Consumer Relations
Spirit Airlines
10/10/2008 08:32 AM

Sarah writes: they didnt make up for it by giving me a free ticket to Puerto Rico, which i was hoping for, but at least they apologized?

Dear Endless.com,

2008-10-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

Welcome!Thank you for contacting Endless.com Please wait while we contact the next available representative…You are now speaking with Brandi P!
Brandi P: Hi! My name is Brandi P. How may I help you?
you : hi! I was just looking at some boots that hit at midcalf
you : and they are described as opening 11.5 inches around
you : but I measured my calf and it's more like 14 inches
you : do I just have really big calves?
you : or could that be an error?
you : I think I have normal calves.
you : here's the shoe:

Brandi P: Well what was the name of the boot you are looking at and I will pull it up and take a look at it.
Brandi P: Thank you give me just a moment
Brandi P: that's a tough one.
Brandi P: I don't think you have large calves
Brandi P: I think that that is just a really small boot
Brandi P: But that measurement appears to be corret
Brandi P: *correct
you : ok thanks for your reassurance
you : my calves appreciate it too
Brandi P: You're welcome
Brandi P: Was there anything else I can help you with?
you : nope, thanks
Brandi P: Thank you for shopping at endless.
Brandi P: Have a great day!
Brandi P: +

Dear Endless.com

Hello, I recently was enthralled by a pair of black leather boots on your website - specifically, the Chinese Laundry Sensational boot. I truly did find them to be sensational and was thoroughly pleased to have a found such an inexpensive and modern boot, as I have been searching for quite some time. The boot hits at mid-calf, which is defined as approximately 11 inches - which I measured on myself to be true. I was disappointed to find that the boot opening measured 11.5inches, as measurement of my own calves revealed them to be closer to14 inches. In the interest of exploring my own insecurities regarding self-image, I measured several normal-sized friends' calves, which all measured around 14 inches. The validation was immense - and quite necessary, as I had begun to wonder if perhaps I should incorporate more calf exercises into my daily gym routine. But the question that now lingers is pray tell - for whom are those sensational boots intended? If I could truly love a boot only to find that it is not the boot for me - well, I feel lost.

Alternatively, if the boot is intended for small children or bulimics, I would appreciate a separate tab on your website indicating as such.

Lastly, do lunges work calves?

Thanks in advance for your time and effort in helping me figure this out. Best wishes!

Hi Tasnim,

I hear the frustration in your voice. Let me assure you that you are anormal size. Also Thanks for your comments about a separate tab on your website indicating the smaller size of the boot opening to compare with calf size.

I'll be sure to pass your message on to the appropriate department in our company. Customer feedback like yours helps us continue to improve the selection and service we provide.

As for your question: Lastly, do lunges work calves? I would have to direct you to your personal trainer. :)

You may return most items up to 365 days from the original purchase date. We'll even pay for the return shipping! The item must be unworn,in the original packaging, and the original packing slip must be included in the returned package

I hope this information helps. We hope to see you again soon.

A big 14 inch thanks to Tasnim for her submission. I did a little 11 inch reserch and found lunges not only strengthen the quadriceps and gluteal muscles but help shape the calves and hamstrings. So keep the weight on your heels, don't lock your kneees and and swallow a tape worm and those boots could be yours!

Dear US Airways

2008-09-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend and I were treated to a particularly onerous travel experience at your hands recently.

We had booked a flight from New Orleans to Roanoke, VA, through Charlotte, NC, for Labor Day way back in June. We got to Charlotte without incident. When we arrived at our gate in Charlotte, there seemed to be no problems. However, when we sat down, we could not help but overhear a young woman -- who could have walked straight out of a country club dining lounge -- complaining vociferously over her cell phone about how her flight to Hilton Head, SC, had been delayed a whole hour and she had to change gates. She went on and on, whining, "Why can't they just get us there!" According to her complaining, her plane had been grounded due to a mechanical malfunction, and she was just steaming mad that US Airways made her walk a full 50 yards to her new gate.

When I took a second look at the gate kiosk, I noticed that the sign at our gate alternately read "Roanoke, VA" and "Hilton Head, SC." Hmm, I thought, they're really going to get us both out of the same gate? Not 5 minutes later, a man came over the intercom, saying, "US Airways flight #2579 to Roanoke, VA has been moved to gate E4; E4 for US Airways flight #2579 to Roanoke, VA." Alright, no big deal, I could see that E4 was only about 50 yards down the hall. But as soon as we plopped down in a couple of seats to wait for boarding, another US Airways voice came on, informing us that our flight had been cancelled due to a mechanical malfunction.

It seemed clear that us normal folk headed to small-town Roanoke had been shafted in favor of some loud-complaining rich people jet-setting to Hilton Head, SC. But the next flight to Roanoke was only 3 hours later, and we're easy-going, so we waited. Besides, we hadn't even gotten to the truly ridiculous segment of our journey.

After Gustav stranded us in VA for four days longer than we had expected, we arrived at the Roanoke airport on Thursday (9/4) and boarded our flight to Charlotte on our way home to New Orleans, with the comfort of knowing that not only had the New Orleans airport opened two days earlier but a hotel across from our apartment building had power and was booking customers, so our place probably had power too. We felt confident that we could return to a fully inhabitable, if not entirely functional, city.

When we found our gate in Charlotte and sat down for a wait, we had every expectation that we would finally be returning home, and soon. However, within the half-hour, a US Airways voice erupted from the intercom, saying, "US Airways flight #3207 to New Orleans has been cancelled. No flights will be leaving for New Orleans tonight. It is for your own safety."

For our own safety??? What was happening in New Orleans on the night of September 4th?? Zombies? Roving gangs of looters looking to steal our very lives?? None of the above, it turns out.

Further questioning found that US Airways "can not fly an overnight crew into New Orleans because the hotels don't have power," in the words of the all-knowing announcer-man. There were several businessmen on our flight who were very eager to return to their establishments ahead of the influx of evacuees flowing back into the city. One of these businessmen was the manager of a hotel in New Orleans, who promptly informed the passengers that his hotel had opened and started booking customers on Tuesday. Furthermore, I knew that Le Pavillion (the hotel across the street from my apartment) had also had full power since Tuesday. And what happened to "for your own safety"?

But the facts meant nothing in the face of an automated system locked into a set of standard operating procedures, which immediately began looking for the next flight to New Orleans, without awareness of the fact that there was no real reason to do so. That next flight in the morning was booked solid. So all the passengers waited by the gate as the US Airways employees worked as hard as they could to arrange another flight to New Orleans for Friday. Apparently, working as hard as you can entails a lot of standing around. But anyway, by the time they had arranged for another flight, we could have already flown to New Orleans and found a hotel for the crew.

We were sent to the US Airways customer service kiosk down the hall to rebook on the new Thursday flight. But the computer system, locked up again in its unstoppable pattern, would take as long as two hours to register the new flight. So they sent us on our way with a hotel voucher, a food voucher, and the new flight number to call and reserve our place. Doubtless, these 100 or so vouchers and preparing the new flight cost US Airways many times more what it would have cost to put the flight crew up in any one of the dozens of hotels that had power and guests but were not part of the US Airways standard operating procedure.

The rest of the journey went without a hitch, except of course the fact that we had to pay for checking one bag and any drinks on board. Adding insult to injury, each of the hotels near the airport had full power and appeared to be about half-full. In all, the ordeal cost us a ton of frustration, stress, another day of airport parking ($15), and a full day's pay for an extra day of missed work for my girlfriend and myself. More than anything, my complaint centers around two things: the disregard that US Airways seems to have for small-town people when there are rich country-club people whining louder, and the lack of common sense and human involvement surrounding the decision to cancel all flights into New Orleans at a time when there was no compelling reason to do so.

I think that our lives are too fully run by rich people and computers: just another example, I suppose.

Disappointed,

William

Dear William:

Thank you for contacting US Airways Customer Relations

Our records indicate that flight 2579 from Charlotte to Roanoke onAugust 27, 2008 was delayed about 14 minutes due to equipment issues.That amount of delay is still considered within the allowable time framefor departure.

We apologize for the inconvenience and appreciate the time you took to contact our office.

Sincerely,
Judy E.
US Airways Customer Relations

Dear Judy E.

I am sorry, but that is not the case. The flight may have been delayed for 14 minutes before we were switched to another gate and another plane (possibly with a different flight number), which was subsequently cancelled.

I will be submitting a new ticket (Ed. Note: Will did not submit the ticket details, i believe to fuck with them) , as your response belies the point of my original complaint: there is clearly too much automation involved in customer service -- no one actually read my complaint, which dealt with 3 different flights.

William

Dear William:

Thank you for contacting US Airways. We apologize our original attempt at resolving this issue did not address your cancelled flight on your return. We have reviewed your request and the circumstances surrounding your flight concerns and agree compensation is appropriate.

We sincerely apologize for the cancellation of Flight 2283 and the inconvenience it caused. Your frustration with our failure to operate this flight as scheduled is understandable. It is not our intent to create difficulties for our customers and we make every effort to avoid flight cancellations. In this case, we can assure you a mechanical problem was encountered which resulted in our removing that aircraft from service for repair and not a crew related problem.

Customer satisfaction is our main focus and we want to make certain the decisions we make are based on research, facts, policies and procedures, along with customer perceptions. Please be assured flight cancellations and delays are decision made upon operational facts only.

To convey our apologies we have authorized two Electronic Travel With Us Voucher(s) (E-TUV) in the amount of $100.00 as a gesture of goodwill. We hope you will allow US Airways another opportunity to regain your confidence. Your E-TUV is valid toward the purchase of travel on US Airways. Please be advised the E-TUV is not valid with Internet bookings. The E-TUV must be redeemed one year from the date of this letter. In addition, please take a moment to read the terms and conditions listed below to receive the full benefit of this compensation. When you are ready to make your future travel arrangements, please call our Reservations Department at 800-428-4322 and provide the E-TUV code listed below.

Your E-TUV codes are:
[Redacted] - Mr. William
[Redacted] - Ms. Jessica

We look forwarding to providing a pleasant flying experience on your next flight with US Airways

Sincerely,
Yael H.
US Airways Customer Relations
Corporate Office

William writes:

While Yael's response incorrectly states the flight number and the stated reason for canceling, I am satisfied with my $200. It really does work!

Dear Better Business Bureau

2008-09-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

I would like to file a complaint against Wallick Construction and Restoration, Inc., specifically against their real estate rental division, NOLA Restoration IV (LLC). I understand that Jonathan Wallick's company has been praised for its revival since Hurricane Katrina and for its active participation in housing the New Orleans community. However, my experience with this company as a lessee is that they are neglectful and completely unconcerned with the well-being of their tenants, to the point of being insulting.

The property that I leased from them was poorly maintained, constantly suffering from pest infestations and a severe lack of insulation as one could actually see the ground underneath the house through large gaps in the floorboards. NOLA Restoration displayed a consistent pattern of disregard for their lessees' complaints. Most notable in my rental experience was an incident in which the property I rented was broken into and robbed. Wallick expressed a total lack of concern for my security and the security of his property. It took several days for me to get in touch with him personally, regarding the incident; while he did come by the property the morning after the break-in, I was unaware of his presence until after he left as he did not come to speak to me directly. Adding insult to injury, he suggested to one of my neighbors that I had faked the incident or perhaps that the crime had been committed by my friends. At my insistence he had an additional set of window bars placed above the already existing window bars on the window through which the house was broken into. I shortly thereafter received a letter asserting that NOLA Restoration was free from any legal blame for the break-in, suggesting that in the future I make certain to lock my already barred windows. An identical incident occurred at the property that my neighbor leased from NOLA Restoration, and to my knowledge NOLA Restoration's response (or lack thereof) was the same, and they have taken no further precautions to secure their properties.

Prior to vacating the premises of the property I took care to thoroughly clean and restore the original condition of the property. While leasing the property I took it upon myself to repair the terrible paint job I inherited with my lease and that NOLA Restoration refused to attend to, aside from providing me with their paint colors. When I left the property the condition of it was superior to when I moved in. However, my deposit was fined absurd charges at absurd costs, such as "cleaning fan blades: $30" and "removal of sticker: $5." The fan blades were clean and had I known that the going rate for removing a sticker from a refrigerator was running at $5 these days I would have taken care to remove it myself.

In addition to these grievances, NOLA Restoration has an obvious, if not formally stated, policy of charging higher rental prices to their African-American lessees.

I acknowledge that NOLA Restoration does not legally owe anything to me. I only write this to lodge a formal complaint against them, and to insist that they hear this complaint from another source as they have proved themselves totally capable of turning a blind eye to the complaints of their lessees.

Chloe (now living in DC) writes:

I doubt I've got anything coming to me (she doesn't and hasn't), but at least Jonathan will be formally alerted to the fact that he can plan on burning for all eternity in the fiery pits of my despise for him. A-hole.

Update: Problems persist at Pitt Street a fued between neighbors had become a war:

Chloe writes:

My other neighbor, Joanna, who's kind of a nut case but not a bad person, well, our other neighbors hate Joanna and have been harassing her. Pulling her laundry off the line and throwing it in the street, smashing all of her tomato plants and so on.

So Joanne calls the landlord to ask for help and he responds, "When are you going to stop feuding with these guys and just get along?"

Ha! He's a jackass.

Dear Ocean Spray

2008-09-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

I usually delight in the tangy cranberry juice that tangos on my tongue. Not so, my most recent purchase of your "100% Juice No Sugar Added Cranberry Juice." I found that the juice didn't live up to its potential. It was almost there--on the cusp, even--of satisfying my cranberry cravings, of curing my infection, of ridding the raging bacteriums from my body. Alas. Not so. Although I will continue to buy your products because of your really fun commercials, depicting cranberry farmers waste-deep in Florida bogs (do you guys organize trips? I would love to be waste-deep in cranberries...it looks tingly), I wanted to let you know that I was less than satisfied with my recently purchased 64 oz jug of cranberry love. I found it flatter than normal. And this was heartbreaking.

All the best,
Amy "Craving Cranberry" R

Hello Amy,

Thanks for contacting us over here at Ocean Spray, where we pride ourselves on more than 75 years of taking great care in harvesting and manufacturing our products. We're glad to hear you chose us, but we're very sorry that you were disappointed.

We'll, you've certainly made us blush.

First off, we're glad to hear you chose Ocean Spray. We've been at it for more than 75 years now, grower-owned across several generations. But it still tickles us pink to know that people not only love our cranberry and grapefruit products but our advertisements as well.

Only the freshest, finest ingredients go into our products, whether they're fresh cranberries, juices, Craisins or sauces. And we want you to know that we manufacture them under strict supervision at our bogs and facilities. We take samples from each batch and test them regularly on color, flavor, sugar solids, pulp and acidity to ensure the highest quality result.
And since our products come to you straight from the bog, there also might be slight variations in color simply due to the nature of cranberries.

In a move to pare costs at a time of financial strain and changing priorities, it was necessary to discontinue tours. This was a very difficult decision. Your comments have been forwarded to our management team. Flax Pond Farms in Carver, MA handles tours in the area. You may visit their website at http://www.flaxpondfarms.com/. You can also visit our virtual harvest on line at http://www.oceanspray.com/.

You can learn more about other fall harvest festivals by visiting www.cranberries.org/festival. For festivals in the state of Wisconsin, please visit http://www.wiscran.org/ and for New Jersey festivals you can go to http://www.cranfest.org/.

We deeply regret that you were disappointed. We here at Ocean Spray like to hear the good and the bad, so we will be sending you coupons in the mail as a token of appreciation for your concern over our products.

Thanks for choosing Ocean Spray. Be sure to visit us again sometime at OceanSpray.com, where you can get all the latest information on our products, find delicious recipes, and join the Cranberry Club for special news and offers. And don?t hesitate to let us know if you have any more questions or comments. Or if you just want to say hello, we?d like that too.

Tastes Good. Good For You.

And Your Friends at Ocean Spray

# 6,499,661

Cecile

Sept 3, 2008

Hello Amy,

Thanks for contacting us over here at Ocean Spray, where we pride ourselves on more than 75 years of taking great care in harvesting and manufacturing our products. We're glad to hear you chose us, but we're very sorry that you were disappointed. We immediately shared your feedback with the appropriate department, and they are looking into the issue.

Only the freshest, finest ingredients go into our products, whether they're fresh crabnerries, juices, Craisins or sauces. And we want you to know that we manufacture them under strict supervision at our bogs and facilities. We take samples from each batch and test them regularly on color, flavor, sugar solids, pulp and acidity to ensure the highest quality result.

And since our products come to you straight from the bog, there also might be variations in color simply due to the nature of cranberries.

We deeply regret that you were dissatisfied. We here at Ocean Spray like to hear the good and the bad, so please accept these coups as a token of appreciate for your concern over our products.

Thanks again for choosing Ocean Spray. Be sure to visit us sometime at OceanSpray.com. where you can get all the latest information on our products, find delicious recipes, and join the Cranberry Club for special news and offers. And don't hesitate to let us know if you have any more questions or comments. Or if you just want to say hello, we'd like that too.

Tastes Good. Good For You.
Cecile
And your Friends at Ocean Spray
Enclosure: 2 Free 32 oz up to 64 oz (!) Ocean Spray product coupons

Dear Eggo

2008-08-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

So this is weird.

Essentially I have zero food allergies. I'm pretty sure I'm allergic
to sweet potatoes, confident I'm allergic to cats and know I'm
allergic to pollen so what is it about blueberry Eggos that makes me
react in such a way? What way? Glad you asked!

Imagine i was wearing a cow suit for Halloween but instead of black
spots on pale white skin I'm covered in red spots on, well, pale white
skin. Then my heart rate speeds up (possibly because of the waffles
possibly because I'm FREAKING OUT!) and I start sweating like I have a
fever.

I jumped in the bathroom and took a cold shower, I was back to normal
in a few hours.

So what gives? My physician thinks its funny, they've diagnosed banana
nut Eggos.

They are delicious.

The response requires a little back story, see these companies require contact info, normally I'll use my address (so i can receive free stuff), an old email address (so I don't get junk mail) and my mom's phone number (to avoid being bothered). So I wasn't surprised when I received this email from mom:

Dear Lew,

...but your home is on high ground [Ed. Note: Gustav is pronounced GOO-stahv. It is of Scandinavian origin, and its meaning is "royal staff; staff of the gods"], yes? It worries me that there is potential for you to be homeless.... nonetheless, I was very relieved to hear that you are alive and well and not in some hospital recovering from a near-death allergy attack after consuming a Kellog's product. A very worried/concerned representative from Kellog's called me on my cell phone yesterday, asking for you.

K: May I speak to Lewis?

me: may I ask who is calling?

K: (worried kinda' tone in his voice) This is Kellog's Products, and we're responding to correspondence we received from him. Is he available?

me: (perplexed tone of voice) not really, this is his mother's cell phone

K: oh, well this is the contact number he gave us. He said that he was suffering an allergic reaction to one of our products, and we want to make sure that he is o.k

me: well, um, er, why don't you give me your name and number and I'll relay the information to him. to the best of my knowledge he's o.k.

K: thank you very much, we want to make sure that he is o.k.. 1-800-962-1413., reference # 013610459A, and any representative who answers can help

usual pleasantries in hanging up.

And now this:

Mr. Bernard,

Thank you for contacting us about the ingredients we add to our products that may pose an allergy risk to some of our consumers. If you have suffered an allergic reaction after consuming one of our products, we encourage you to call our toll-free line so that one of our Consumer Affairs representatives can assist you further. The number is 1-800-962-1413 and the line is open from 8:00 AM until 5:00 PM Eastern Standard Time, Monday through Friday.We understand and share the concerns expressed by consumers who are affected by food allergies.

Kellogg has been one of the leaders in the food industry in devising manufacturing processes to reduce the risk of allergens from contaminating allergen-free products. We have worked extensively with allergy organizations and research groups so that we can understand the seriousness and complexities of food allergies.All of our product packages have labeled potentially allergenic ingredients (i.e. peanut, tree nut, cow's milk, egg, soybean, wheat, fish and shellfish) in a separate box directly below the ingredient list on the Nutrition Facts side panel. Because product formulations can change at any time, we encourage our consumers to check the ingredient statement on each package they purchase for the most up-to-date information on the ingredients contained in that product.If we can be of any further assistance, please call the toll-free line noted above.

Sincerely,

Jacob

Consumer Affairs Department

UPDATE:

I received two coupons (5$ each) for any Kelloggs product. ANY! The possibilities are as endless as the imagination....

Dear American Eagle

2008-08-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

I placed the captioned order (No. W8144181) on July 28, 2008 as reflected by my account on your website. It is now August 14, almost 20 days later and I have still not received my order. Your website states:

"Standard shipping (3 - 10 business days)

Your order should arrive within 3 to 10 business days after it ships. If you qualify for a free shipping offer [which I did], expect your order within 5 to 10 business days after it ships."

I understand, my shipping was free, so its really not a big deal to you when I receive it since you're footing the bill and all, but usually you are really really great at getting things to me timely. Whats going on??? Also, it has been extremely difficult to track my order with information being available one day and not in the system on others. I would just track it myself, independent of your website, but you haven't let me know what shipping agent you used expect that you used "Best Way" which frankly, in this situation, I doubt you did. Please let me know what you can do to ameliorate this problem, because right now i'm out $155 dollars with nothing to show for it.

Thank you, your response will be much appreciated.

Elizabeth

Dear AE Shopper,

We apologize for any problems that may have occurred with your order. Please call our toll free number, 1-888-232-4535 (24 hours daily, 7 days a week) to speak with a representative. We will try to assist you as quickly as possible in correcting your order. Please have your order number available when calling. Thanks for being a part of the American Eagle brand!

Sincerely, Your Friends @ AE.com

Dear American Eagle

This is my second email (in addition to two phone calls) regarding Order Number W8144181. I placed Order W8144181 on July 28, it hadn't arrived as of last Friday, so I emailed you and was promptly informed to call customer service. I did appreciate the prompt response but really?? If I had known that the email would be fruitless and was just a method of forcing me to talk to an actual person I would not have wasted the 5-8 minutes at work to write that email. But anyway, I'm attempting the email again because believe it or not i am not a teen, and, therefore, i cannot stand having to deal with your hold music.

So, basically I emailed about never receiving Order W8144181 and as I was instructed to call customer service I did that. Your representative was actually very helpful and told me to call the Post Office and ask them to try to locate the package, which I did and unbelievably spoke to an actual person (I live in New Orleans and getting an answer at the Post Office is a feat in itself). They looked for the package and called me back telling me they could not find it. I had been informed by your representative to call back if the package had not arrived by Tuesday, August 19. I called and informed AE that the post office could not find the package and i was told my order would be re-shipped via two day, which I thought was extremely reasonable, until i got into work this morning and read my emails and discovered some issues that I think are ridiculous namely:

The fact that you will not reship an item until 15 days have passed since it reached a post office caused many of the items i ordered to sell out. My original order was for 14 items, I am currently only receiving 6 (Order No. C8377862), shouldn't you have informed me of this or at least contacted me and tried to offer replacement items like different colors or styles? It seems like the least you could do since your "best way" approach to shipping clearly didn't work and your time delays in offering re-shipment is really at fault here (along with New Orleans Postal Service).
When reviewing my email about the new shipment I noticed there was a charge of approx. $120.00. WHAT!!! Why was I re-charged for this, its not like I chose to not receive my shipment. I called your customer service again and was told that I was going to be refunded the original $155 dollars i spent, but that it would take 72 business hours. Ok, I understand that one of your major client bases is the teenage market who are probably using their parents credit cards. I, however, am not a teen, the money I am spending is my own and I don't have alot of it. I am a recent college graduate toiling away at the bottom of the legal field, if you are going to charge me for an order that was lost, please refund me first or at least let me know your protocol for stuff like this, I can't afford to have mystery charges on my bank account popping up out of nowhere. Originally I was out $155.00 and for the moment I am now out $277.00. What if I had to pay rent? Or a bill (which I actually do have to pay) it is inappropriate to give yourselves unlimited access to my bank account ASK YOUR CLIENTS' PERMISSION. Just because I ordered the first shipment with my debit cards doesn't mean you should access this information again and re-bill me without my permission.

Bottom line: this is ridiculous, I am steaming mad. I had the same non-delivery issue with the GAP and they were amazing. When I talkd to them about re-shipment some of my items were sold out, they offered me replacement items in a different color. Also, they did not re-charge me for anything, I guess they recognized that the error was on their side in their shipping choices (very similar to this situation). In my opinion, as soon as my payment for the original order went through, my liability regarding the order was done with. I fulfilled my end of the bargain almost a month ago, however, you guys have yet to pull through, don't leave me hanging. Please do something to remedy my rage, I like you guys and don't want to have to stop buying clothing from you but this experience has been a HUGE pain, it has really soured previous good experiences with the brand.

Thank you (even though I'm enraged)

Elizabeth

Dear AE Shopper,

Thank you for contacting AE.

Our records indicate that your return for order W8144181 was processed on 8.20.08. Please allow up to two billing cycles for the credit to post to your account.

Your order C8377862 was shipped on 8.21.08 via UPS 2-day shipping. Your tracking number is 1Z276R270206064968.

If you have any additional questions, please call 1-888-232-4535 (24 hours daily, 7 days a week) and a representative will be happy to assist you.

Thanks for being a part of the American Eagle brand!

Sincerely, Your Friends @ AE

Dear American Eagle

I don't think you understand, Order W8144181 was not a return, it was a package lost by your chosen shipper. Order C8377862 was supposed to be a re-shipment of the lost items. And what are billing cycles? If you're going to charge me, especially without asking permission to bill my credit card, for having you correct an error on your part or your shipper's part at least have the decency to wait until I get my money back to take yours. i understand that you need to get paid as well, but I'm pretty sure you guys have alot more money than I do.

Elizabeth

Dear AE Shopper,

We apologize for any problems that may have occurred with your order. Please call our toll free number, 1-888-232-4535 (24 hours daily, 7 days a week) to speak with a representative. We will try to assist you as quickly as possible in correcting your order. Please have your order number available when calling.

Thanks for being a part of the American Eagle brand!

Sincerely, Your Friends @ AE.com

Liz writes: "those motherfuckers"

Dear Duke (spokesdog for Bush Beans)

2008-08-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

My dad told me that my puppy Sugar was getting big and needed more room to run around so he sent him to a farm in Houston. The farm has chickens and cows and lots of other dogs that Sugar can chase. Sugar likes chasing birds, I asked my dad if there were any birds on the farm and he told me that chickens are birds and there are lots of them. He said Sugar is going to be very happy.

I asked dad if I could go visit Sugar but he said we can't because the farm is in Texas and I start school soon. I told him that we could goon the weekend but he said we couldn't afford the trip during this dang reseten even though I offered all my lawn mowing money from the summer ($70!!) that I'm saving for an xbox 360. My mom says I can't get one because I'm too young and it will zap my brain but my cousin Reily has one and he's only 5 months older than I am. I think this is unfair and if I can get the money I'm going to get it anyway and keep it at my friend Jason's house. Mom said she'll think about it.

I asked my older sister to drive me to the Farm to see Sugar but she only has her learners permit and hasn't been allowed to drive since dad took Sugar to the Farm. She said dad told her she needs more experience before he lets her drive his truck again.

I don't know what to do. I miss Sugar so much and mom says that I can get another dog on Christmas if I'm good. But I don't understand why I can't visit the Farm? Every time I mention the trip to my mom and dad they change the subject. I saw you on our TV running around a farm and thought you could be just like Sugar. I told mom about you and she said maybe I should write you to ask what life is like as a farm dog. Is he lonely? I am.

Dear Lew:

Thank you for your note to Duke - he is away filming the next commercial but asked that I respond to your email. While Duke is very involved in the city life when he's on the road traveling and staying in hotels, his most treasured moments are out on the farm. You do not need to worry about Sugar - I know he misses you, but he has lots of fun with his friends out on the farm. We all know that dogs love to run and explore...so Sugar's days are fulfilled and he's crazy tired at the end to the day only to enjoy a good night's rest and another day of fun.

We appreciate your note and don't want you to worry about Sugar - take it from Duke...he's one happy pup!!

Sincerely,
Susan
Consumer Relations Coordinator

Dear John McCain

2008-08-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

How could you? It was hardly a month ago when you were asserting that you would run a clean campaign, and now you’ve so clearly and blatantly swerved into the false and the negative.

How could you think that Americans will believe you that Obama is causing high gas prices?

How could you think that Americans care about comparisons of Obama to Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton? How could you take this campaign into the gutter so shamelessly?

I respected you once; I no longer do.

Disappointed,

William

Will writes "No answer yet, not even an auto-reply, which makes me think that McCain doesn't have his electronic shit together... Big surprise to learn that he doesn't even know how to "do a Google" in his words."

Ed. Note: In McCain's defense, there were no computer literacy courses at the Hanoi Hilton. Just homosexuals.

Dear Waffle House

2008-08-13T06:06:00.000-07:00

I'd like to spend a minute discussing the seating policies and how they are enforced at Waffle House #1782.

It was a busy Sunday morning when me and four friends limped into your house of waffles after a long weekend of debauchery in Perdido Key. We knew that it being a Sunday and this being the bible belt we may be forced to wait to find seating so I was relieved when I was greeted by the "Seating Corps". She took our name, showed me where i could get a cup of coffee and I found a seat sandwiched between a family of four and an elderly couple.

Halfway through my first cup of coffee I noticed the counter space in front of me was paying the bill, this would leave five seats for me and my four friends. Sure the elderly couple came in a few seconds before us (the wife jumped out the SUV while the husband found parking. A cleaver if not devious strategy.) But this was a prime opportunity to seat a large group, one that does not come around every minute!

I sat in my waiting chair, sipping my lukewarm cup of coffee and watched in horror as the seating corps cleared the breakfast bar and sat the couple. Her actions left left three spots available at the counter. A few moments later another couple came in and sat down at the counter, skipping my party of five and the family of four. As time wore on three more people trickled away from the counter. Of the 10 available seats this left six occupied. Unfortunately as these seats were not together and WH employees seemed reluctant to rearrange the guests leaving prime counter space underutilized.

45 minutes and three cups of coffee later we were eventually sat at a booth and a chair. Who knows when the family of four was got to eat but I could hear the little girl cry so my guess is not soon enough.

My point is this, by seating people on a first come first serve basis instead of a need basis you violated both rules. I know that waffle house has sold 14,899,594 slices of ham but I'm an engineer, I do this sort of thing for a living so indulge me for a second. You have a "seating corps" to make these difficult decisions but they seemed unwilling to pull the trigger, like the young solders in the beginning of "WarGames" (a 1983 Mathew Broderick vehicle, perhaps you've seen it?) the corps froze under extreme pressure.

Joe Rogers, Sr. Co-founder of Waffle House Inc says, "We are not in the food business we are in the People business." Your food is great Joe, but don't forget to seat the people.

p.s. The jukebox at Waffle House #180 doesn't work.

Dear Lewis:

Thank you for contacting us about your experience in Pensacola, Florida. We appreciate our guests taking the time to inform us about their experiences.

We apologize for the poor service quality at our restaurant. To insure that this issue is handled properly, we have shared your concerns with the appropriate management for this location. Our goal is to make sure that our guests receive exceptional service and quality products.

Thank you again for sharing your experience with us.

We express our regret and hope that we have the opportunity to serve you again soon.

Sincerely,
Kelly
Waffle House Customer Support

It took them six days to respond to my "inquiry" and its been about three weeks since the official response. I don't think I'm getting free waffle house. Unbelieveable.

Reminds me of a time me and my friend Julian were in a WH in Decatur, GA a few days after the levee's broke. We had spent the previous two nights bar hoping, screaming "I'm from New Orleans, someone buy me a SHOT!" with no sucess. But in the WH some waitress overheard our conversatoin and determined that we were indeed from NOLA and deserving of free breakfast (even though we weren't). I couldn't believe such kindness.

And now this, perhaps I'm going about this all wrong, good things come when you least expect them.

Dear Top Ramen

2008-08-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

why are you so delicious AND so cheap? What's the catch? I know you have lots of preservatives, but I'm under the impression that most food favored by Americans tends to be on the unhealthy side. i'm poor but i'm not obese yet, so i will continue to feed myself top ramen.
please explain how you manage to stay within my starving (but not really because I have you!) journalist's budget.
Also- why is there more fat in Top Ramen than in regular pasta? is it in the noodles, or the seasoning?

A big thank you for not raising prices during these shitty economic times!

-Sarah

Sarah,Thank you for recognizing the value of Top Ramen! To answer your question about fat – the reason it's so high is that the noodles FRIED(unlike pasta).
Thank you for contacting Nissin Foods.
MonicaSupervisor, General Affairs
Nissin Foods (USA) Co., Inc.

Sarah also recieved a form letter that I'm told included coupons for two free packs of Ramen, street value 48 cents.

It says:

Dear Ms. Sarah:
Thank you for contacting us regarding Nissin products. We always appreciate when
consumers like you take the time to let us know how much you enjoy our product.

Our number one concern at Nissin Foods is to achieve consumer satisfaction by ensuring the
quality of our products. We are grateful you recognize our efforts. Thank you for taking time
out of your day to contact us regarding our products.

Sincerely,
NISSIN FOODS (USA) CO., INC.
Hiroshi

Senior Manager
Consumer Affairs

Dear Fresh Direct

2008-08-01T08:26:00.000-07:00

Subject: [contact_us] Delivery Areas

So. You deliver to Queens???!!! QUEENS??!!! But not three blocks to the east of Lexington on the Upper (Upper) East Side? I'm not sure what it is that happens to your delivery drivers as they travel from Lexington to First Avenue (Force field? Quicksand? Evil monsters? Non-English speakers? The Mafia?), but I assure you, no obstacle ought ot interfere with your driving that does not interfere when traveling to Washington Heights, or—oh yeah—Queens!!! Can we meet you on the corner of wherever it is that your truck melts? I'm not sure if you know this—but my block, specifically, 115th between 1st avenue and pleasent—is actually much nicer than the more westerly blocks in East Harlem—you ought to go there some time and check it out. It is, in fact, one of the most upscale blocks in the neighborhood. I'm sure that your decision has nothing to do with socioeconomics...but FYI...in addition to the mafia, there are many people on our block who appreciate things like fresh vegetables and overpriced coffee beans. Really. We'll have you over for dinner in our nice aparment (however, we can't promise the fresh-ness of our produce, which we will most likely procure from the C-Town down the street), but we certainly could whip something together with the food we have left over from when we seduced the Fairway employees (on 75th and Broadway) to deliver to us even though we are light years away from their delivery area. Here are the options: pasta with olive oil, pasta with melted imitation cheese mix. You can also chose between spaghetti and penne, but we don't have a lot of penne left. Or we can order from the Chinese places who are more than happy to ride their bicycles to our heavenly block to bring us fresh food, directly. We can playh some music, drink some wine (we have a local liqour and wine store with very flexible hours), have some conversation, and you can see what you are missing by leaving us out of your exclusive little club. El Bario is the next East Village! Mark my words!

From: Fresh Direct
To:Marie
Subject: RE: [contact_us] Delivery Areas
Dear Marie,

Because of the automatic delivery system we use and the info regarding the number of households on a block, our delivery zones may divide not only zip codes, but also blocks. We chose new areas by looking at the number of requests for an area vs. the number of households in that area and the ones with the highest percentage of requests are where we open up for delivery. That is why we have some areas in Queens, Brooklyn and Manhattan that we have not started delivering to at this time.

We do not have any expansion plans until late spring at the earliest, since we need to buy new trucks for each new delivery zone. When the trucks have been delivered I will look at all areas and decide where we open deliveries to next, depending on the service requests. If you send me your complete address including zip code, I will add you to our service request listing and contact you when we are going to start deliveries in your area.

Fresh Direct LLC
Amelia
Manager Customer Advocacy

From: Marie
To: Fresh Direct
Subject: RE: [contact_us] Delivery Areas

The thing I don't understand is that you deliver in our area already—it doesn't seem like it would take extra trucks to go literally one block further east? You know what I'm sayhin'? WE're between Pleasent and First Avenue. You will deliver to the block next to ours, but not ours, which in fact has a big nice apartment complex being built right now (above Rao's) and a lot of ncie buildings. I just don't understand how literally adding one more block to your delivery radius is gonna be that big of a deal. You know what I mean?

marie and krista, who are still hungry

From: Fresh Direct
To: Marie
Suject: RE: RE: [contact_us] Delivery Areas
Dear Marie
We are already filling the current truck to full capacity at this time. The addition of more customers to an area that is already filling a truck would cause too many current customer problems when trying to place an order and get a delivery. I am sorry but at this time we cannot expand to your area.

FreshDirectLLC
Amelia ,
Manager Customer Advocacy

From: Marie
To: Fresh Direct
Subject: [contact_us] Delivery Areas

Hello!

It is us again, your friends in the no delivery zone. We have further investigated the situation and discovered that you will deliver to 300 E. 115th St, but not 460 E. 115th Street. This seems a little bit silly. As we have mentioned in previous e-mails, our block is one of the nicest blocks in East Harlem, home to trendy nightspot Orbit (who, BTW, will deliver food to us, unlike you!) and to Mafia hangout Rao's. We advise you that if you don't start delivering food to us, we may go hungry. For example, today, I had to get our groceries at Gristedes since I suspect that C-Town serves rat meat and has worms in all of it's produce, which meant that I had to carry my heavy Gristedes bags with me on the subway, which today was packed full and totally wet because of the blizzard. Then I had to carry those bags four blocks home in the BLIZZARD!!!! That never would have happened if you had delivered to us!! I could have died, but lucky for all of us that I didn't. Also, do I even have to mention the mediocrity of said groceries? Geez. Come on, boys, come out to Sparlem! WAY out, like to the far east! It's worth the trip and our building is filled with young professionals who like to eat. Otherwise, we might get really, really depressed. We beg of you. We promise to eat enough to make it worth the extra ten seconds it will take you to drive past the 115th street force field. We're kind of insulted/hurt.
all our love,your potential customers at pleasent avenue
p.s. Once again, I must remark: YOU DELIVER TO QUEENS???? and WASHINGON HEIGHTS??? But not US???!!!

From: FreshDirect
To: Marie
Subject: RE: [contact_us] DELIVERY ZONES

Dear Ms Marie

I am very glad that you did make it home safely during the storm, and I hope by next year you will be able to just place your order online with us.

Fresh Direct LLC
Amelia
Manager, Customer Advocacy

I love the brush off at the end. Thanks to my big sis Marie for her submission. Of course you can find her at http://marielynbernard.blogspot.com/. We're like the Baldwins of blogs.

Dear Victoria's Secret

2008-07-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

I must say Vicky (as I so lovingly call you), your bras make my boobs look awesome. I just bought a new bra at one of your stores a few days ago and I have been thrilled. This gorgeous new collection "Body By Victoria" has had me wowed since it's beginning a few years ago. It does my body good. You bras are by far the best. They keep my boobs up high, away from my waist and don't let my nipples poke through, which is always a plus unless you make money with them, i.e. a stripper. They're great under t-shirts, sheer tops, dresses, they even look good when that's all you're wearing. So first, let me say thank you.

But, you'd imagine my surprise when this new amazing bra I bought began falling apart last week. I thought at first my puppy got a hold of it, but there were no bite marks. (P.S. You should think of marketing your bras as puppy chew toys. You'd make a fortune. they love 'em!) Then I thought maybe I popped it in the dryer, but I never do that! I just don't know what could make my new favorite bra fall apart on me! I am so disappointed. I am deeply saddened that my one and only Vicky has made a product that has let me down.

Sincerely,

Nicole
36C
VS shopper since I grew boobs.

Dear Nicole,

Thank you for your e-mail regarding your recent bra purchase. We apologize for any frustration this matter may have caused.

The length of time that a bra lasts will vary greatly dependent on correct sizing, frequency of wear, and proper laundering. Bras should always be hand washed and line dried. The agitation of a washing machine may damage a bra while the heat of a dryer may destroy elasticity.
We're sorry the quality was less than expected. When a customer chooses to shop Victoria Secret, we want our customer to have the quality of merchandise they expect and deserve. Please accept our sincere apologies.

Victoria's Secret strives to provide our customers with high-quality,well-constructed merchandise. We know that occasionally the merchandise you purchase may not meet your expectations for fit, color, or style. Towards our efforts to insure customer satisfaction, we have established a reasonable return policy. We expect merchandise to be returned promptly and in the same condition that it was received. Sometimes the merchandise may become unacceptable after normal care. At that point, you may still return the merchandise. However, we are unable to accept garments for return which show evidence of excessive wear.

If you would like to return your merchandise please send your package via an insured, traceable method to:

Victoria Secret Direct
Attn: CEMH268 - Molly
5959 Bigger Road
Kettering, OH 45440

We ask that you please include a copy of this e-mail, your complete name, address and daytime phone number with the package. Once we receive your return merchandise, we will contact you to achieve a satisfactory resolution.

Nicole, please accept our apologies. We take customer service seriously at Victoria's Secret and look forward to serving you again in the future.

Sincerely,

Molly H.
VictoriasSecret.com
Customer Service
Customer #149050836
Phone 1.614.577.7111
Fax 1.614.577.7178

I tip my hat to Nicole for submitting her letter and shame anyone who thought I wrote it under a pen name. Good luck mailing your brassiere to Kettering, OH (home of the automobile self-starter and Nancy Cartwright, voice of Bart on the Simpsons).

I wonder how they define "excessive wear". Keep me posted!

Dear Philadelphia

2008-07-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

Eeck. What is in this stuff? It has the pale bricky appearance of cream cheese but it tastes like I'm licking a foot. You know what? It's been two hours and my mouth still tastes like foot. Hold on, I'm going to rinse my mouth out with hand soap.

All right, I'm back. That was gross, but I feel better now. Anyway, I'm a pretty slim dude so one would think I could afford to use regular cream cheese on my morning bagel, but I figured the problem was just that: the morning bagel. See, I average about six bagels a week and can go through three bricks of the stuff every fortnight which can't be good for anyone. So I was encouraged when I found the Fat Free variety at my local grocer. I anticipated it would be bad but how bad could it be? Your 1/3 less fat variety is actually really good; I can't tell the difference at all and cream cheese is, by its very nature, delicious. However, I completely underestimated the depths to which you could sink your normally amazing product. It's an insult to the Philadelphia line of creamed cheese. If I was the mayor of Philadelphia I'd sue you for defamation.

I have a couple of questions that I am hoping you can answer for me:
1. How is this product manufactured? Do you begin with fatty cream cheese then the zap the flavor or start with some sort of Frankenstein chemical monster and build it into a white rectangle of terror?
2. Why did my package come with a blue piece of plastic? Should I keep this piece of plastic? What possible purpose does it serve?

Re: Your Comment/Question Case ID: 17746734

Thank you for taking the time to visit us at http://www.kraftfoods.com/ and for letting me know about your experience.
I'm sorry to hear you were not happy with PHILADELPHIA BRAND FREE Cream Cheese. I am sending you reimbursement in the mail for this product, which you should receive within 7-10 business days.
The problem you described sounds like the product was not properly stored during distribution. We take care at our manufacturing facilities to ensure that our products are stored at the correct temperature and time frame until we are able to distribute them. Once our products are in distribution, the storage is out of our control. If the product was exposed to excessive temperatures it could cause the problem you described.

You also asked about the manufacturing of the product. Cream Cheese is an uncured cheese made from pasteurized cows' milk.
Milk and cream are blended, pasteurized, then homogenized and cooled to the proper temperature for culturing.
A starter culture is added to the warm mix and left untouched for approximately 18 hours.
Then the cream cheese curd is separated from the whey. Salt and vegetable gum are mixed into the curd and the finished product is chilled and packaged.
Flavor variations of cream cheese are produced by adding ingredients just prior to chilling and packaging.
Whipped cream cheese is made from cream cheese that is mixed at high speeds. This provides a lighter and smoother texture. Flavor variations are produced by adding ingredients prior to chilling and packaging.
PHILLY Brick Fat Free Cream Cheese and our Regular PHILLY Brick 3 oz size are packaged inside a foil wrapper on a blue plastic tray (to help retain its shape) and then placed inside a cardboard box.
Again, I apologize for this experience. Thank you for your loyalty and we hope that your next experience is a good one.

Kim
Associate Director,
Consumer Relations

Hey I just go this letter and coupon!

Which I used to purchase the 1/3 fat kind.

Score.

Dear Dominos

2008-07-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

I ask you what is delivery?

In the most basic of terms it is simply the shipment of goods from the seller to the buyer and in that regard, domino's succeeded.

But now I ask you what does it mean to be the delivery experts? Surely somewhere in the halls of Frank Lloyd Wright drive there is a mission statement motivating the corporation to strive for delivery dominance but to me, the average Joe, I would simply state,

1. fast
2. hot
3. to my door

And this is where the experts failed me. Yesterday we had a typical summer storm in New Orleans, as my pantry was empty and my legs were tired I decided it was the perfect opportunity to "order in". I filled out the online forms (which were fun and easy to use) providing the special instructions as to how to reach my door (use side door thru gate). So you can imagine my surprise when I received a call from the driver instructing me that he was "outside" and wanted me to meet him by his ride. He got out of his van pizza box in hand and had me fill out the credit card receipt in the rain. I returned barefoot back to my house drenched under tropical rainfall wondering "why did I order-in if I had to walk-out?"

Dear Lew,

Okay, so I lost the response. I got a personal letter from my local store, a letter from corporate and coupons for four free pizzas. None the letters addressed my concerns and the problem continues to this day although I shouldn't be eating that shit anyway. Even though its Delicious.

On a personal note, I had my Bar Mitzvah at the Domino's World Headquarters in the "halls of Frank Lloyd Wright drive" Pizza was not served.

Dear Hawaiian Tropic

2008-07-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

I was recently in the drugstore and I picked up some of your continuous spray sunscreen because it seemed markedly easier to use and like likely to become coated in sand than its counterparts. I took the sunscreen with me tubing a past time in Louisiana where one floats down a river all day drinking beer and throwing bags of red sangria at each other while trying to avoid sunken bridges and trees. And I was right the sunscreen was great! It was easy to apply without aid from anyone else and wasn't sticky at all. However unfortunately two of my friends used my sunscreen as well and after three uses it was empty!

Now this continuous spray stuff isn't cheap at around 10 bucks for 6 fl. ounces but hey maybe it will last a really long time. No. It completely wore off after floating in the water for about two hours we all began to burn and some of my friends are pasty or were before this incident. I know you're supposed to reapply after water exposure or "excessive toweling" and we would have because it would have been extremely easy. Hey! we might not even have had to leave our tubes it would have been that easy. But no due to the extreme speed at which an entire bottle was depleted we were left to burn in the sun for 6 hours with only SPF 4 tanning oil (which though I product I normally enjoy did little if nothing to help our cause) Anything you could do to remedy this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Aloha!

Thank you for taking the time to e-mail us with your comments about our Hawaiian Tropic Sun Care products.

We appreciate your input, as we are committed to manufacturing the highest quality line of sun care products. Feedback like yours helps us to better meet the needs of our consumers.

We appreciate and value your loyalty, and have taken the liberty of forwarding your remarks to our Marketing Department for review.

If you have any additional comments or questions, please feel free to email us at http://hawaiiantropic.com/Contact-Us.aspx <http://hawaiiantropic.com/Contact-Us.aspx> or call us at (888) 310-4290 between the hours of 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Sincerely,
Lauren
Hawaiian Tropic

Ed. Note: Thanks to Liz for her submission!

Dear Old El Paso

2008-07-16T07:13:00.000-07:00

First, I have to compliment Old El Paso for solving an issue I’ve had with tacos since I can remember eating tacos. How do you load it up and hold it up? For most I’ve my life I’ve taken a two handed approach, using one hand to hold up a shell and the other to transport fillings into said shell. Subsequent shells were leaned against the hand held shell to maintain an exposed shell loading surface. Of course this led to problems, what if the force of the spoon the tomatoes exceeds the frictional restraint between the bowl and the Formica counter-top? With no additional support I rely on the frictional coefficient crossed with the normal force to exceed the spoon jab and scoop! And how does connection between the hand held taco and the unrestrained shell change as toppings are applied, elevating the taco center of gravity? Careful planning can help, with heavier meat toppings anchoring the bottom, lightweight vegetables such as lettuce and tomato on top- but everyone knows sour cream, (a surprisingly dense food product) like its cousin whipped should cap the taco like tip of Mount Everest. Making matters worse is the tendency for the sour cream to stick to both the serving tool and the shredded lettuce, precariously tilting the shell with the flick of a spoon.

Anyway, I am very pleased with the new taco design, however I believe your packaging needs improvement as 6 of 10 shells were broken in the box. They have a good crunch and are quite thick; I was surprised and disappointed to see them in pieces. Tacos are a fragile and limited resource and should be treated as such.

Dear Valued Consumer:

Thank you for contacting Old El Paso regarding Old El Paso stand 'n stuff taco shells. We're glad you like the design but we are sorry to hear of your experience with broken shells.

To better assist you, please include the following information in your reply:

Your Name and Mailing Address

We appreciate your assistance in gathering the necessary information to help us track our products and resolve quality issues. You will soon receive an adjustment for this product at the address you provide to us.

Sincerely,

Jeana XXX
Consumer Services

Dear Facebook

2008-07-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

Several months back, my boyfriend dumped me for a totally gross skank at my alma mater.

Her Facebook profile is on private, but mine wasn't until recently, and I know that she checked me out (aka "facebook stalked" me), probably while cackling and snorting a triumphant line of cocaine.

I'm writing because I'm wondering if you would maybe just let me browse her profile, out of sheer curiosity. I promise I'm not a stalker but I think it's pretty unfair that she was able to stalk me and steal my boyfriend, and I can't even make fun of her for her favorite movies, which probably suck.

As luck would have it I ran into her outside a concert recently and happened to observe that she had about three inches of black roots on her platinum hair, and a painfully obnoxious, whiny baby voice. She was slurring her words, and seemed "OMG SOEXCITED" to see everyone in my group!!! and was just generally nailson a chalkboard. ...surely you know the type.

I know that's probably good enough material for me to be satisfied andconvinced that I am in fact, way more awesome than she is but for some reason I'm still not 100% convinced. I am seriously hoping that her favorite quote is something like "Dance like no one is watching" and that she has something like "I heart my BFFs and drinking!!!" in her"About me" section because that would prove that she blows at life,and not just other girls' boyfriends.''

I promise I'm actually normal.

Her name is ***** *******and she's in the ****** network .

Thanks.

-Kathleen

Hi Kathleen

Thanks for your email. Unfortunately, regardless of the situation, we can not give you access to anyones profiles who you wouldn't normally have access to. I apologize for any inconvenience.

Thanks for contacting Facebook,

Dori, User Operations, Facebook

Ed. Note: Thanks to Kathleen for sending in her letter!

Dear Home Depot

2008-07-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

Lewis: Can you cut four of these 2x4x12's in half for me?
HDepot Fella: Our saw is broken, don't you have a saw at home?
L: Yes, but I don't have a 12' car and only need 6' lengths
HDF: Oh. Sorry. (walks away)

Your saw is broken? What? Let me see if I understand this correctly, Home Depot, a store that sells lumber and saws believes this is an acceptable answer. Not only should you have the hardware and know-how to fix a broken saw but you rent saws, big saws, 5000 rpm miter's with laser alignment. Use alittle imagination, injunity, try to think outside the box once in awhile. You don't have to go far for a solution.

I can do it, but you NEED to help.

Dear Lew,

I appreciate the time you took to contact us. We're always pleased to hear from our customers.

I appologize for the inconvience and sending you a gift card (10$) product, via first classmail which you should receive within 7-10 business days.

Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Alexia XXX
Consumer Relations

Dear Nestle

2008-07-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

What the fuck is in a Butterfinger?

Dear Ms. Amy,

Thank you for contacting Nestlé. We welcome questions and comments from our consumers.

The ingredients in the Butterfinger are as follows:

Corn Syrup, Sugar, Ground Roasted Peanuts, Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil, Cocoa, Molasses, and Less than 1% of Whey (from Milk), Confectioner's Corn Flakes, Nonfat Milk, Salt, Lactic Acid Esters, Soy Lecithin, Soybean Oil, Cornstarch, Artificial Flavors, TBHQ and Citric Acid (added to preserve freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40. **Chocolatey coating: the base of this coating is not milk chocolate, but is a combination of ingredients with cocoa contributing the "chocolate".

We appreciate your interest in our products and hope you'll visit our website often for latest information on Nestlé products and promotions.

Sincerely,
Nikki XXX
Consumer Response Representative

Ed. Note: Thanks to Amy for sending in her inquiry!

Dear Glad

2008-07-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

Last night me and some friends had a dinner party. Despite the quality of food much of it did not get consumed, (I think there may have been too many entrees and not enough sides). The hosts broke out the press'n seal and wow, what a product, worked like a charm on a variety of applications except for two:

1. Its tonal quality, although deep and robust is ruined by the vibrations of the non-press 'n' sealed portions of the wrap. Therigidity of press 'n' seal was tested on a variety of bowls and proved itself stalwart for 16 bars. However, as previously mentioned, the non-clung parts vibrated like a rattle, ruing our musical achievement.

2. The ability to hold liquid has been overestimated. We found it possible to seal thick glass cups, (similar to the picture on the side of the box) box but when it came to glasses that were either small in diameter (like a wine bottle) or small in thickness (like a mardi gras cup) the seal did not hold, ruining a perfectly tan pair of khakis.

Otherwise, it's really cool product. Seriously, how often do you spendtime PLAYING with plastic wrap?

Dear Lew,
Thank you for contacting us about Glad Press N Seal Regular UnknownSize. We always appreciate hearing from our consumers.

We sincerely regret any inconvenience this problem may have causedyou, and we are happy to enclose a coupon for your next purchase,which you will be receiving within the next 7 to 10 business days. We certainly hope you will continue to use and have confidence in our products.
Again, thank you for contacting us.

Sincerely,
Marie XXX
Consumer Response Representative
Consumer Services

Dear Sunkist,

2008-07-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

I have enjoyed pistachio nuts since I traded Jenny Beckman a Golden Delicious apple for two handful's back in 3rd grade. At the time the deal seemed lopsided and perhaps influenced by the golden curls in her hair but as time passed I came to realize that they are healthy, salty and filling. Of course any nut has it dark side, and the pistachio's Darth Vader is not the death star but the annoying shell. Open up any bag and your sure to lose a few nuts to closed, empty or otherwise compromised shells.

I thought that you had the answer to all my problems early last week when I purchased a bag of your de-shelled roasted pistachio nuts. So confident in this products potential that I ignored smaller packages to invest my $16 in a 4lb sack. Sunkist, oh Oracle of Orange Soda, Siren of Citrus, I am disappointed in your nut venture. These pistachio's are dry and flavorless, essentially inedible. I tried giving them to my coworkers and despite they're energy to cost ratio they remain uneaten on my desk. Furthermore as I watched there face scrunch up in disgust I could tell that I had lost their trust. Perhaps forever.

Sunkist, you have cost me dearly. This grievance will not soon be forgotten.

Dear Lew

Thank you for contacting Sunkist and Paramount Farms concerning your recent purchase of Sunkist pistachios. We are disappointed as you are by your discovery of poor flavor pistachios within the package. Please accept our sincere apologies. We feel the satisfaction of our customers is the most important results of our production process, are you unhappiness is of major concern for us.

Sunkist has a long history of providing high quality products. Through numerous inspections and protective measure, we as a Sunkist licensee, produce a product that we believe every customer will enjoy. We strive to ensure product purity, from harvesting to packaging.

Thank you for taking the time to report the this matter. It is thought his type of feedback and customer participation that we can continue to grow and improve our product.We would really appreciate you giving us another opportunity to earn your trust and patronage. We hop you will accept and enjoy this replacement product (4 lbs of nuts).

Once again we apologize for any inconvenience you may have suffered. We want you to know that we feel a deep commitment to the people who buy our product. If you have any questions or comments please to do not hesitate to get in touch with me.

Sincerely,
Stacy XXXX
Quality Assurance
Paramount Farms